There's a lot on my plate right now and things are stacking so I've been seeking ways to mitigate the heavy load when letting it go isn't an option. I address self-care and the challenges learning to love yourself can present if there's some conditioning to battle. Sarah Jarvis covers the Backdraft Effect in this article. Then I go into a discussion of a new trend called Glimmers. They are the opposite of triggers. Here's a brief bullet point I covered to better define a glimmer. I also share a well done (and free) resource on self-care through somatic movement. You can find the article here and it links to the YouTube videos that guide you through the practice. And lastly, I am reinstating the season and episode numbers. I'm not sure when I stopped that or why, but they're back. This is season 4 and great things are on the way.
Zebras are the rare type of spoonies often affiliated with the Ehlers-Danlos patients. Please check out the website: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com
If you'd like to be a guest, please reach out to Ann and Mrs. Labeezy at TaleofTwoZebras@gmail.com
Giving credit where credit is due: Christine Miserandino revolutionized the chronic illness community by sharing her Spoon Theory with the world on her blog: https://butyoudontlooksick.com Because of her contribution, those suffering with chronic illness are often referred to as "Spoonies" and we often refer to energy stored and expended in units of spoons.
There's a lot on my plate right now and things are stacking so I've been seeking ways to mitigate the heavy load when letting it go isn't an option. I address self-care and the challenges learning to love yourself can present if there's some conditioning to battle. Sarah Jarvis covers the Backdraft Effect in this article. Then I go into a discussion of a new trend called Glimmers. They are the opposite of triggers. Here's a brief bullet point I covered to better define a glimmer. I also share a well done (and free) resource on self-care through somatic movement. You can find the article here and it links to the YouTube videos that guide you through the practice. And lastly, I am reinstating the season and episode numbers. I'm not sure when I stopped that or why, but they're back. This is season 4 and great things are on the way.
Zebras are the rare type of spoonies often affiliated with the Ehlers-Danlos patients. Please check out the website: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com
If you'd like to be a guest, please reach out to Ann and Mrs. Labeezy at TaleofTwoZebras@gmail.com
Giving credit where credit is due: Christine Miserandino revolutionized the chronic illness community by sharing her Spoon Theory with the world on her blog: https://butyoudontlooksick.com Because of her contribution, those suffering with chronic illness are often referred to as "Spoonies" and we often refer to energy stored and expended in units of spoons.
Ann Anderson:
Hello, and welcome, got any spoons. I'm your host, Ann. I am not a medical doctor. And for this episode, I feel like I need to tell you, I'm also not a licensed counselor, therapist, psychologist, or anything of that nature, been in therapy for over 20 years, but no degree. So I do have a lot of experiences with therapy, and chronic illness, disability and pain. And I share those experiences in the podcast in the hopes that people know they're not alone. And maybe they can learn something in an easier way that than I had to. So there you go. And welcome. I'm really glad you guys are here today. And listening to the podcast, I know that this episode was delayed a bit. And that is because I had COVID. And in effect had brains stew, and wasn't really able to put out anything that would be productive, or helpful, maybe slightly funny, in a dark way. But I didn't think that would be good. So I've been doing a lot of research and looking at self care and some different things to do for myself. Because in the real world, things are very hard for me. And the reality of having a GI track that is paralyzed. And being on TPN. And needing medicines that go through a port means that I don't get a lot of medication support. And when you start listing the number of challenges that I am faced with at this current moment in my life, many of them normal, like menopause, a lot of women struggle during menopause, and they seek some help from doctors who can either do hormonal replacement, possibly some antidepressants, or anxiety or whatever that might look like for them. Exercise is a positive thing. menopause, usually, there's some weight gain there. But that again is, yes, I have the weight gain somehow because your metabolism is jacked even more. But I can't do the weight bearing type exercises that tend to be more effective. So there's these things stacking, and it's getting heavy, really heavy. And I don't know that I can let the stuff go. Could I let go of my body image and say, Yeah, you're in menopause, and you're gaining weight. And that's going to happen, whether you like it or not, at this point, and you can't take supplements and you can't take replacements, hormone replacements, and the exercises just aren't going to be your thing, because of your connective tissue disorder, I suppose but I guess I don't want to, there are so many other things that are stacking, that I'm seeking those things that maybe I can have some say some input that might be helpful, that I would have control over. We talk a lot about that in the chronic illness spoony world about how so many things are our choice in COVID was one of those things that I thought beautifully illustrated because before COVID When people found out if you were chronically ill, that you didn't have a job, maybe that you were at home, in sleeping or on the couch, or whatever. They were like, Ah, man, that would be so nice. I would love to just sit on the couch and do nothing. You're right, you would; When it's your choice. But then COVID happened and a lot of people didn't have their jobs, which meant that didn't have the income. And guess what, a lot of spoonies don't have a lot of income, they're on disability, or worse. They've been trying to get on disability and have no income and are, you know, totally property poverty stricken and relying on the good graces of their loved ones. So when COVID happened and people lost their jobs, or had to all of a sudden work from home even just that short, like total shutdown that we had. Well, it was like two months. And people were like, Oh my gosh, this I can't do this. This stinks. I can't go to the gym. I can't go to church. i What is I can't go out to and grab a bite to eat. Everything is here. and many people have healthy ways of dealing with stress that are not based in their home. And those things were taken away. And you could sleep all day, you could binge watch NetFlix if you wanted to. But I think most people did reach a stage where there was like, no more media to consume. And they were going a little bit crazy. If it's more than Cabin Fever, it could be similar to cabin fever. But cabin fever. I feel like being from the north, at least as a timeframe in a season, right? When we were first locked down for COVID, that was, what are we doing? The world didn't know. And it was a very difficult and confusing time. So since things have reopened, and I don't hear that phrase much anymore, when people find out that I am disabled, and stay home, and I'm not able to work, or whatnot, and and have limitations. They don't say, Oh, that would be so nice. That's, that's not a response I'm getting. And I'm like, Good. I'm glad somebody's finally getting it. And another thing to acknowledge is that there are differences in the generations, I am not a person who feels like, woe is us, this next coming generation is terrible. It was the good times back in my day. That is not my thinking and ideology at all. I recognize that each generation had its own set of challenges that the world has been changing and changing at a more rapid pace. And so I am never going to put down millennial or a Gen Z. Because of their short attention span. That's a common one, I think, Well, yeah. Or they don't go outside enough. Okay. They're snowflakes. What? You know, what, what do you really know what you would be doing if you had the power? More power in your pocket than it took to get the rocket to the moon? Okay, we didn't have that. So stop bashing on him. That yeah, you're right. They don't know how to write, because everything is computerized. They don't have to have that skill. Is it a nice skill? Well, it was when we were passing notes and stuff. But you know, they kind of need to reason we needed a reason. We weren't Oh, come on, where you really learning, writing, so that you could, you know, be a poet. Know your writing. So you could learn to pass a note in class. That was your main motivation, as well as learning origami. So that's, that's something I want to set up right here right now. Because it does go into the next stuff that I want to talk about. And that is self care, and how it how it's different in the generations. And someone had responded did a duet on on the clock app about generations. And so I don't know who to give credit to, since it was a duet and they didn't share that information. But it was a sound bite will say that said, Hey, can we talk about Gen X for a little bit. And we all know that they're the Forgotten generation. And that they lived in a time they were raised by the baby boomers, who did go through a revolution. And they know a feral way of living is the way they put it. Yeah, because we were regularly like, go outside and play and don't come in until the lights come on. Or the dinner bell was wrong, if you're that lucky. And then we didn't, you know, mental health wasn't quote trendy. So our generation didn't really seek out help in that way. Nor were there medications that were available that were nice. I mean, there are medications, but you're gonna have to be institutionalized with those, those old timers. medications. So and then they they talked about most of the Gen Xers that they know being in prison, or the military, or I don't know where else but they're like if you find one in the wild, you might want to give him some praise. And for all of the rapid changes that the Um, generations after generation X had know that it started with Generation X, that they went from typewriters and having a little computer with the dot matrix. And there, they were there at the beginning, they had to learn typing, and they had to learn computers, where they were the ones setting the VCRs for their parents, right? The VCR is a is a video. tape that I know, nevermind, I don't even know who watches those anymore. So it was nice that there was some recognition for Gen X, because we are forgotten. And in that recognition, if I mentioned struggles, it is not a failing of the individuals of my family, I, it's just a generational thing. I had some trauma. And I could have used some therapy, but that wasn't a thing. back then. I didn't know to ask for it. They didn't know to get it for me, I didn't need to be institutionalized. I was doing just fine. Back in the day, enough. And that's how we all looked at it. Okay. So just putting that out there, as I proceed through my other thoughts and what I've been learning and studying over the last little bit. And as I've really been struggling in looking for resources. So one of the things that I mentioned last week, and didn't really get into it was that we attended yet another funeral of a loved one. And the people who have passed in our lives recently have been mentors and men that are just phenomenal stand up. People that I think are very worthy of emulation. And one of the things that happened at two of the funerals, that was said, the gentlemen were parts work, we're in a Bible study together. And they were in a Bible study with my father in law. And we lost him this spring, too. And one of the things that these men, these wonderful men, one of their goals was that when they passed, they would be able to go to heaven, and see their Heavenly Father, who would pat them on the back, and they would hear the words, well done, good and faithful servant. And I personally struggle with the whole idea of, quote, patting myself on the back giving myself praise, self love, that type of thing. So there is a resource I was recently connected with. And it's, it's a term called the Backdraft effect. Sarah Jarvis writes about it, and I will put a link to her website. But it's basically acknowledging that when you start loving yourself, love reveals things that are opposite. And you're going to have to acknowledge and or deal with things that weren't loving in your past. And, again, it does not have to be your parents. It can come in many different forms. And I was very moved at the most recent funeral. And probably because repetition is key, in that. For this gentleman, one of the last things they said was, I know he's in heaven now. And, and God is telling him, Well done, good and faithful servant. And since these men are coaches, in one of them was my father in law who coached the defensive line for 27 years. And another one was a main coach in coach my husband actually in high school, but were very involved in that community and knew these these people very well. And so for me, I realized that I don't need to pat myself on the back, it would be a better envision for me to think about like wearing some pads and being on the football field. And having one of these coaches one of these guys come and pat my shoulder pads just like you would any other player and just say, job well done. You know There's nothing wrong with recognizing a job well done. Is it prideful, possibly, but not in a negative way, we need to take pride in the work that we do, so that we can do something good. But if that word is toxic in your brain, because you've been conditioned by society or whatnot, as they talk about in the backdrop affect the conditioning that we have, that that's not okay, there, there can be another way to look at it. And that's, that's what I'm doing right now. That's what I'm choosing. I've got a lot of other great information that I want to share with you. But I also know that we're at the 15 minute mark, and my lovely husband made me some bumper music that I can't wait to share. So you're gonna get about 30 seconds of some bumper music for those people who don't like me to cut out and then come right back, you've got your 30 seconds, but this is also the time where you can turn it off, make a call, make an appointment, you know, say a positive affirmation, do what you need to do. And come on back, and we'll talk some more. Pretty cool a, yeah, I love the euphonium. And I love the cello. Funny thing, my husband played euphonium in high school. So I was like more euphonium. And let's try to make it upbeat. So maybe I can be more upbeat. And that, before I forget, reminds me that one of my goals is to get more people to be on the podcast with me. And I have some network people that have been asking network people, people in my network, not like ABC, NBC network people, no, not like that, that I'm asking to be on the podcast to share their stories, and really hope that I can do much more of that because there is so much out there in the wisdom that they have. And the idea that you are not alone does not come just for me. There are so many people going through stuff. And I really think we can help each other out. So before that lovely Interlude Music, I was discussing the Backdraft effect and self love and finding a way to acknowledge and give ourself praise for jobs that are well done. And that is addressed in the Backdraft effect. There's also a new thing, a new way to use a word I don't know, the the idea that there's a glimmer, which is the opposite of a trigger. If you Google glimmer, you're probably going to get the Hunger Games, or some other video games. And so maybe, if you want to Google this, this trend this idea and find some resources, put in glimmer opposite of trigger. And I think you'll find a lot more of what you're looking for. To go over some highlights of a glimmer, it is the opposite of a trigger. They are tiny moments of awe. They tend to spark joy and evoke in her calm, they have a positive effect on our mental health. Their micro movements causing mood shifts, they send cues of, of safety to our nervous system. And I think that is a huge one. For people dealing with trauma. They bring ease in content. And like really, I don't know about that. But let's try. The body responds with positive energy. I love that, okay, let's go for it. They allow us to feel hope, when lost. And when I read that, and knowing how I have felt recently, that's a big deal. In our nervous system is strengthened. They help increase our well being with all of that. And when we start embracing them, we're training our brain to find the good and they're not these massive moments. They're not the big stuff. They can they're just the tiny little things in everyday life, that maybe we could write a gratitude journal about, but they're there those just fleeting moments of how Happy. But if we focus on them, maybe they won't be so fleeting, at least, that's my hope. And that's what I'm gonna going to try to focus on in and take note of them. I mean, like, literally take notes of them. Because my brain is so glitchy I forget so many things. And with as much trauma as I have, and the medical stuff that I continued to go through, my brain is very, it's on in a rut, it is an era of negativity. And that is, that's where I'm at it, I told you about the stacking. And it's, it's a real thing. So I've got to find some ways to like, throw glitter, I shouldn't call it glimmer, I should just call it glitter, I need to find the glitter to throw on the stacks of crap that are stacking up. That's what I'm looking for. I have no filter, okay, I have a little filter because I didn't say other words that I could have. And well, that's a family joke, too. Anyway, there is a thing out there called somatic exercises. And the idea, they're not physically harsh, they're you're not lifting weights, you don't need any special equipment, or workout gear, nothing. You can do this in your office in your, you know, in your home, at the park, wherever you want. Hopefully, you can minimize distractions, or you have an intense ability to focus on what you want to focus on. But the idea is that your body is storing some of that trauma in the somatic system. And that certain movements will help release those stored stressors. And also then be the way that the pathways that we're trying to create make way for the pathways that the glimmers are trying to take up, right. And you might see some things advertised for pay and everything, I found a really great resource, John Hopkins Medicine, I will give the link in the in the description, they have a series, they've put it on YouTube, there's a short series that are five minute segments, because there's 14 sections and they say go in order to be most in tune with your body. But like the full on series of those 14 segments is 15 minutes each. And I don't know a lot of people who have that much time. And that's to me, I mean, therapy lasts 15 minutes. That's a really long session. If you're, you know, just experiencing this in, I guess that's why I would go through the full one, not to practice it the first time. But to hear the introductions and what each of the steps is the goal is, and then when I'm actually ready to transition to my own practice and doing this stuff I'd be doing the five minute sessions is my plan. So I'm really happy I get to share that resource. And if anybody else is doing something like that, if you have resources to share, please let me know. You can email me at got any spoons@gmail.com I have one last thing that I wanted to touch on. As I'm sharing what I'm trying to do to help myself in this very deep rut I seem to be in if you're like me, and this stuff is stalking. Yeah, I'm negative. I am not the happy go lucky, positive person and I am particularly down on myself and my body and body issues. And this is a new, relatively new thing for me, I was an athlete, I had control or I've had control in in the past when medications have caused weight gain, we could figure something out and I've been able to return back to what I consider my normal state and I'm not there, nor do I feel like I have the option to get there. Now obviously I've been doing research and I share that with you. But I also need to share that the negative mood that I have is contagious. It is not great for our family for me to be this down. Now. I am not the emotional mule and our family. I don't hold it all. I don't carry it all it is not only but I think in any relationship Do you're going to care about and feel and take on some of the emotions of your loved ones? And so what I need to be doing, at least I think so is, I may not be super positive about myself, but I am super positive about the ones I love. And I don't want to forget to use their love languages to remind them of how wonderful they are, how loved they are. And they are doing that for me as well. There's just this filter that depression has, you might be familiar that chronic pain has. I mean, you my mask is on my walls are high. They do not get through, not much gets through in that survival. I've been there. And I've been in survival mode for quite a long time. So it's just right now? Absolutely. It's it's everything, everything is been thrown up. And I know that I've communicated that. And I don't want them to have to be spending their whole time chipping away at the walls that I've thrown up. Yet, it's scary to or almost impossible to put them down because of the pain. So I need to be working on those love languages. And in my mind, because that's something I have control over. And I guess that wasn't the last thing, because it did bring up another thing that I hope you will oblige me in sharing. In my mentoring days, as a mothers of preschoolers, I would often encourage them to go to a list about asking questions, other than how was your day with their kids to start conversations, one of the theories that was circled was to celebrate failures at dinnertime, like, tell me three things. You failed that today so that people could start looking at their failures as opportunities for improvement. And it was a positive thing. It wasn't nobody got, you know, put down because they acknowledged a failure. Or there was empathy of of Yeah, I messed up and you're like, oh, yeah, so what could you do better? Those type of things, I think, are much more constructive, in the same way that don't ask a chronically ill person, how are they? If I know that you don't know everybody? And if you get the answer, fine. They don't think that you care, or they don't have the time to talk about it. Love you. But no. In you may not. If you do really care, it's still probably there's more something more specific that you could be asking about. So if you were to say like, Hey, what's on your agenda today? They might talk about some doctor's appointments they have, they might talk about some treatment, they're going to be going to or, you know, like that. So you're involved with what they're doing. What What have you discovered any good media today or this week? You know, maybe they've watched a movie, maybe they found some new music, a comedy, something that they have been uplifted by, it's a positive thing, and it doesn't focus on your health or your illness or what you can't do, per se, it's it's going more towards the happier side of life those glimmers, right. So, I just challenge you to think about that. When you have relationships with chronically ill, I challenge you to think about that and just regular life. I don't know why everybody says how are you doing? Because that's always going to be met with fine, great, better than I deserve. Thanks, Dave Ramsey, that type of thing. It's just something to think about. Then that's what I do here. Give you things to think about right my experiences, Tips Tricks on life hacks. Yeah, that's it. So I do hope that you enjoy this episode. I hope you enjoyed the bumper music. I'm looking forward to bringing the guests on the show. And again, if you'd like to be a guest or share some tips, via email, you can send one to get any spoons@gmail.com You are not alone, and you're loved. I'll see you next week.