Depression, I believe, is an unavoidable state for people with chronic illness and pain. It may not visit often or stick around long, but preparing for isn't a bad idea. Keep track of what works for you, note what works for others, and grow your toolbox.
We're on YouTube too: https://www.youtube.com/@taleoftwozebras
Amberlyn aka Mrs. Labeezy's Amazon Must Haves includes some of Ann's loved items too:
https://www.amazon.com/shop/mrs.labeezy/list/1U6RAYC0SJK4T?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_aipsflist_aipsfmrs.labeezy_NQXZZ7SVJ2PSF3EZ700Y&language=en_US
Zebras are the rare type of spoonies often affiliated with the Ehlers-Danlos patients. Please check out the website: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com
If you'd like to be a guest, please reach out to Ann and Mrs. Labeezy at TaleofTwoZebras@gmail.com
Giving credit where credit is due: Christine Miserandino revolutionized the chronic illness community by sharing her Spoon Theory with the world on her blog: https://butyoudontlooksick.com Because of her contribution, those suffering with chronic illness are often referred to as "Spoonies" and we often refer to energy stored and expended in units of spoons.
Depression, I believe, is an unavoidable state for people with chronic illness and pain. It may not visit often or stick around long, but preparing for isn't a bad idea. Keep track of what works for you, note what works for others, and grow your toolbox.
We're on YouTube too: https://www.youtube.com/@taleoftwozebras
Amberlyn aka Mrs. Labeezy's Amazon Must Haves includes some of Ann's loved items too:
https://www.amazon.com/shop/mrs.labeezy/list/1U6RAYC0SJK4T?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_aipsflist_aipsfmrs.labeezy_NQXZZ7SVJ2PSF3EZ700Y&language=en_US
Zebras are the rare type of spoonies often affiliated with the Ehlers-Danlos patients. Please check out the website: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com
If you'd like to be a guest, please reach out to Ann and Mrs. Labeezy at TaleofTwoZebras@gmail.com
Giving credit where credit is due: Christine Miserandino revolutionized the chronic illness community by sharing her Spoon Theory with the world on her blog: https://butyoudontlooksick.com Because of her contribution, those suffering with chronic illness are often referred to as "Spoonies" and we often refer to energy stored and expended in units of spoons.
Hello, and welcome, got any spoons. I'm your host, Ann. I'm not a doctor, and I don't give medical advice. I do share my personal experiences, tips, tricks and life hacks of what works for me dealing with chronic illness, disability and pain. In fact, if I look back, right about October, September is when I seem to go into a hyperdrive, and I get really anxious, and I start looking for opportunities for me to serve someplace, to get a job, to do something. Like I'm stealing myself, I know October's coming. I know the holidays are coming. I know that other people are going back to their very, very busy routines. And I gave up the busy lifestyle. Years ago, when I started my decluttering journey. And I realized that a lot of the clutter had to do with the idea of keeping up with the Joneses, you would have thought that that would have went hand in hand when I did Financial Peace University, almost 10 years prior to the decluttering journey, but that is not the case. We still had young kids, we were homeschooling, there was always a reason to have all of that stuff. So it wasn't until my kids were graduating high school and launching into their own things that I started looking around and going wait, why am I holding on to this stuff. And it is not a forever type of situation. It is something that one needs to kind of commit to maybe in a different sense as life and seasons change. At least that's my experience. And as things have been very difficul recently, I have had that desire to once again, go through my house 15 minutes at a time as Flylady encouraged me the original steps that I had, and reevaluate. And that's good. I mean, we have different seasons and reasons and things in life. And I think it's encouraging and I feel very accomplished setting my timer for 15 minutes tackling a two by two section. And just getting 'er done. Much like last week when it comes to the podcast. I have recorded iterations of this episode numerous times. In all the other iterations had to do with the "trending disorde"r thing that I became aware of, and I guess, eds, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is the new I don't know, pancreatitis.It's, quote, easy illness to fake. And people who are seeking attention or money or medications are using the disease to try to get what they want. I have to laugh at that personally. Because if they have a trick to getting what they want, unless it's Yeah, even if it's attention, or money. That is not the the real world for someone a real zebra. We are clawing and scratching and begging people outside of our community to notice us, to listen to us, to acknowledge us. And so if it's the fakers and the seekers that are making this difficult, that stinky, I hope they do get help. Also, if they are getting help, in terms of of therapies or you know, medications or whatnot, can you can you like share the wealth? That that would be really great. And that's where I'm gonna stop with that one because it devolves quickly into a plethora of profanity. I just, you don't need that. And I don't need that for my well being and my mental health. And let's talk about mental health. We know that last week was was a really hard week for your host, Miss Ann. And this week, I needed to figure out some things that might help me and I had to dive into my bag of tricks. Have you ever done that? You got a bag of tricks yet? You will if you don't yet. The first thing I looked at is the fact that having COVID locked me into the house, and I had really secluded and kept to myself per the regulations, I want to try to keep everyone and myself safe. But having tested negative and being able to reenter the world somewhat, I needed to reach out. And I did that I chose some longtime friends, longtime friends that hadn't touched base in quite a while. And I made that first move to reach out. And I was pleasantly responded, they responded to me back in a positive way. And that was a pleasant surprise. And because they have illnesses as well, they have chronic illnesses. And I know that I'm not the number one priority. And we haven't talked for a while. So they could be in a really bad way. I could be opening myself up for like, Where have you been type of thing. But let's be honest, I have really great friends. And that is not at all what happened. It was some conversations that were hard in updating each other that we are not in great places. But also, at the end of our conversation. There was a moment of kind of feeling helpless, like what can I do for you? Well, unless you can take the pain away, not much. What can I do for you? Yeah, that's that's not happening. And I just don't make a difference. And I was able to stop that person in their tracks. And I said, Actually, you make a difference every single day. And they were confused. I said, it was five years ago, you sent me a card. And she hand decorated it. And it said, Ann, you are a warrior. And it was colored in. And she had other quick affirmations that she kind of drew around the word warrior. And she had her signature, and that is right next to my sink the window. And it's held by the light switch plate there. And I see it every single day. And I see that big word warrior. And I know who that came from. I know what that means, and how long we've been friends. And that's the first person I reached out to. And she thought that she doesn't have an impact on a daily. And that couldn't be farther from the truth. It was it was a response that I had gone for. on a project, I don't know a challenge. I'd like to challenge myself and I had written affirmations for all of my Facebook friends and then anonymously sent them off. And some of them were able to figure out the return address. Some of them were just freaked out. So I don't know whether that friend has that card of affirmations. My guess is she does. And I don't need the pat on the back. I do need to acknowledge that what you put out there is often what you get back. I didn't just get random cards sent at me now that the people that I sent them to technically yes. But it was one card. It said you know their first name. And then you are and I put the quality traits that I really appreciated about my friends. And they were all in similar situations with high schoolers that we're launching, now our lives are changing, we're becoming a rules are definitely switching and focuses are changing. And that's kind of where I'm at right now. And in that timeframe, people have locked down their personal information and Christmas cards and you know, holiday cards are often sent electronically through email. So maybe I'll do that through email again. I'm not sure. But that was my first step. That was Monday to talk with my friend. Reconnect. Yes, we shared and empathized it wasn't like all holly jolly you know, sunshine and roses and lollipops. There was some sharing of struggles and acknowledging that yes, we struggling Yes, that's okay. And yes, we're still friends. And yes, we can go quite some time between touching base and we're still at a level where we respect and love each other. There's no hurt feelings are times of of seasons of being apart or not talking are not because of hurt feelings. It is life and we know the priorities in we know apparently when we need to swing back into each other's orbits and that's what happened. So that was one thing that I did to help myself with the very debilitating depression that was overtaking me. The second thing I did was took some steps to invest in my myself. Now I have been encouraged many times by many different people to write a book. And I would love to do that. And I'm getting closer. A few weeks ago, I bought a audible book about writing a nonfiction book. And it was very inspiring, I was able to listen to it on the way to therapy and back, it was less than two hours an hour and a half. And that's about my commute time. And I was feeling like energized. And it was also a little bit out of date. They talked about Rich Dad, Poor Dad, which I don't know if you're familiar I am. And that's about 20 years old. It was a male author to boot. Not that that really mattered, that he was talking about self publishing versus, you know, going to a publisher. And it was kind of sketchy at that endpoint of how one really does that it was about just knocking out perfection, getting things down, having a notepad with you to capitalize on any random ideas that come from you're self conscious as you're working on this, which is great. And I have been doing for a couple of weeks now I've been really working on capturing the thoughts, I definitely have a lot of ideas. Well, then, of course, either my phone's listening to me or my computer or whatnot, I sit up here and record into the dang thing every day. I'm sure it knows a lot about me, of course. So Facebook started targeting some ads. And one of them was for a women's only workshop for book writing nonfiction. And it was going to go Thursday, Friday, take Saturday, Sunday off and then you'd go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, the class was actually a live class for half an hour each day. And then the VIP was another 15 minutes of q&a. And that is not bad. And you get to have a live interaction, which that would be better. For me. It's very current, someone who is right now in the last couple of years published, self published and had a publisher. So she's got the credentials. It's all women. And then there's a Facebook group where you can continue to interact. And I can tell you, when I went on my decluttering journey, yes, I started my routines by myself using fly lady's methods. But then when I really needed to get into it, it was Joshua Becker, who offered a class online, and he had videos that we would watch that we're about half an hour. And then we were all in this Facebook group support group together. And we could be completing our missions and cheering each other on and that type of thing. And it worked very well. For me, I still have several friends that I keep in regular contact with from that decluttering class. And so when I had the opportunity to join this book writing group, I jumped at it. I'm very excited about this. In fact, I'm like, Well, five days isn't a lot, but it's going to be a springboard, no, Launchpad, this could be where I start. And with chronic illness, I'm learning that if I commit to anything much more than five days, there's a good high chance that I will not complete it, that will be considered a failure in my brain, and that will backfire. So five days, some basic, you know, not challenges, but missions, you know, goals, and then going from there and having the group I hope the group like stays active after the five days, we'll see there are some very accomplished and highly motivated women in this group and I'm not threatened. I am Miring them and going, I don't know if I can do that. But hey, I am me. And there's only one of me, as my son would say, so I'm going to do my best. I almost I almost broke into song guys. I almost started singing lyrics for whatever, but I stopped so you're welcome. But since we're at the halfway point, I will share my husband's bumper music and then you'll have a little bit of tuneage. You can either push pause, you can listen to the music, make your phone calls, take your meds I don't know reconnect with somebody or make that date for coffee. And come on back and we'll talk some more. Man, I love the drum fill at the end and the horns. It's just thank you honey bunny is just delightful music When you have the chronic illness, I think having a good routine in place can be very helpful. Now there's a joke that my husband is a routine. And bless him, he figured out the whole routine is beneficial thing a long time ago. And he sticks to a very rigid routine. I love him for that. And the joke that he's routine is, well, onpoint, shall we say, I have learned so much from him in terms of how it can benefit a person. And when I started looking at the depression, and what was really affecting me, part of what COVID did was knocked out my routines, I wasn't able to go up the stairs every morning, and record or sit in front of my sunlamp for the vitamin D, or, you know, have this time of productivity, it just, I couldn't do it, either, because I needed it to sleep, or the steps are way too hard. At this point, my house is set up so that I don't have to go upstairs or downstairs for any reason, everything that I need is on the main floor. And that's really nice, we can I can make adjustments to what I need to do. And so I realized that I needed to work on that routine. And there is an area of my house that's kind of been in flux. And I wanted it to be like my crocheting corner. But with the occipital neuralgia, it's in a very sunny corner of the house. And that is not my friend at this point. I do have like an allergic reaction and mast cell activation syndrome. reaction when I'm in the sun, and that includes when I'm in the car, and being in the car from like one to three ish is is not fun. Going into the backseat, making sure that like I'm totally covered up and not getting the reflections from the hood or other cars is the best way if I have to be in a car in the afternoon. But then that takes my my little cove that I thought oh yeah, I'm gonna need like to crochet. It kind of rendered it like useless. So if I think about it, could I repurpose it could that be where I'm at at 430 in the morning, four o'clock, when I wake up. And I was using the stairs as an the location of my studio as a way to improve or keep up with my physical health that it was going to force me to do the stairs at least once a day. And that's not a bad idea. But sometimes I just can't. And this is one of those times. And I need to keep the routine. So we'll be having friends and family over. And like so many times when they're over, I will likely be asking them to help me move some stuff. And that is something that happens if you are in an apartment. And it's like a one floor. That's awesome. Maybe possibly think about putting things on wheels. So you can move them wherever you want, when you want locking wheels, because we don't want them to like ooh, fly away after you sit down or have your habit set. But that can also help with depression. I didn't know that and didn't understand it. But I do have friends who it seems like every time I go to their house, like if I go monthly or whatever, they have a completely new floor plan or their furnitures rearranged. I'm like you you have a lot of fun with this, don't you? Yes. Okay, that's that's great. And while having a spouse who is routine and moving things isn't exactly a good thing. Moving his cheese is not not best for supporting his routine. There are certain areas that are mine that I claim that I think I could do more with and I can change around. And this little nook, this this crafting corner, this crocheting corner is one of those, so we're making some changes, and he's fully supportive of that and will help me with the moving as much as I need. And that's something that you can look at. How can you change your surroundings because they say a lot of times if you're depressed to go outside, just change your surroundings and sometimes we can't go outside. That's a really hard ask, but maybe switching the covers on the furniture or moving something might help. Do you want your Christmas tree out? I know we're not quite to Halloween or maybe we are by the time you're listening to this. But if you want a Christmas tree Get out. Get it. Get it girl, go get your Christmas tree decorate, make it a holiday tree decorated for Halloween, decorate it for Thanksgiving and decorate it for Valentine's Day. July 4. I don't know, you, do you? Nobody said you couldn't put your Christmas tree up all year long. I mean, if they did, I'd like to ask if they live in your house. And if it matters, because my guess is it doesn't. So have your Christmas tree. I gave you permission if you needed it, you have my permission. Something that I did that I had put on the backburner was the idea that I really wanted this podcast to have guests on it. I was hoping that by this time, I would have like guest every week and be filling up my calendar and that type of thing in that's not how it played out. And I accept that. I also know that I can start asking, and I can change that. So that's another thing I did this past week is I reached out to a couple of creators. And actually last week, they said yes, last week. And this week, I followed up. And I got to have a lovely conversation with one of the creators. And she's very excited about coming onto the show. We're discussing maybe the topic that she wants to cover, she has got a ton of resources and life experiences. And I'm very excited to introduce you to Mrs. Labeezy. And what she has going on in that type of thing. So I so I made the ask, I followed up, I had the conversation. And now we're working our way to getting the recording done. And just touching base with somebody new, fresh, fresh blood and ideas. And, again, not feeling so alone. And there's a commonality, she has EDS and she's a mom, she's 20 years my junior, but who's counting. I mean, she's got really great life experiences, and I can't wait for y'all to meet her. So that was a really positive part of my week, as well. Obviously, the theme here is that I need people. And I know that about myself. And I may not be able to get out into the world and have the energy and surround myself with that energy. But that doesn't mean there aren't ways to connect, while I'm home. In the comfort of all of my accommodations, it can still happen. And I need to remember that. So those are the things I did. Also, I did go to physical therapy, I went to regular psychological therapy, and kind of discussed some of these steps. And we also discussed my changing role. This is my kids, we're not necessarily the typical trajectory, where when they're teenagers, they hate their parents, and they're trying to assert some level of independence. I think that comes with the chronic illness side of things. And homeschooling and that were We were always together. And so now, totally normally, they're well into their 20s. And they're nearby, and they come for dinner. And they also are like, leave us alone. And that's sick. That's fine. That is healthy. I do have to like work on my own dang self and accepting that. Don't be nice. Don't pop in with I don't know their favorite treat there. You've made brownies. Yeah, don't don't go over to their house. And that's, that's lovely. That is so sweet that you did that. They're grown ass adults. And you didn't make a date. You did not ask to do this. So stop. They love you. I love them. And we're all one big happy family. Yeah, Barney. They definitely one of them was definitely raised on Barney. So talking about that with my therapist, that I am still a mom, and Mommy can still be a top priority. But a mom of grown ass adults is very different than being a mom of toddlers, tweens, you know, that type of thing. So again, just restructuring and reframing that I'm not I'm not ever not going to be a mom. They're not ever going to not need me or, actually that's not true. There are a lot of people with righteous reasons. to go, no contact, I don't think I fit that category at all whatsoever. But I don't want to, I want to make sure I mean, I could mess that up. If I started like going over to the house on a regular basis daily, saying hi, washing their dishes, taking out their trash. I don't know, bringing the brownies and lots of other things, they're gonna get real sick of me real quick, and I am not honoring their boundaries in their space. And I think a no contact rule would be initiated ASAP. So I'm not going to do that. I don't know if they listen to the podcast either. So if you do, kiddos, you know your Mama loves you. And I promise I will respect your boundaries. If you respect the fact that I'm a crazy lady. And sometimes I'm very, very generous, and I just can't help. That's a video that I shared with them. Sorry, inside joke. Lastly, but certainly not least, we, in fact, it's mostly I had the conversation with my husband, and he knew that I was not doing well. And, you know, this is also a time where it's an anniversary, it's his dad's birthday, and we lost his dad, earlier in the year. And we know that these things are coming up. And that season. And I can acknowledge that he's going through an emotionally tough time alongside myself, maybe that was part of the situation maybe. And we can talk about that. And we're not shaking the finger, we're not blaming each other, we're acknowledging the reality of our situation. And, and the difficulties it produces, which is part of a whole thing that we have up in our, in our bedroom. In college, I had a poster How to Make Your love stronger, deeper and more passionate. And it had a bunch of things that you could do. And it was my mom who took a picture of that poster, and then created a cross stitch for us when we got married. And so that cross stitch has been part of our bedroom decorations for a long time, the whole time. And I think we have most of it memorized, and we can read refer to it. And one of them is to acknowledge the difficulties our circumstances create. And that's where we're at right now. And I'm so thankful that I have a partner who can acknowledge the difficulties acknowledge the emotions, and we don't have to attach blame, or shame to any of that. But rather, in acknowledging it, we're releasing the pressure valve, we're allowing ourselves those moments, those feelings, and in radically accepting them in terms of cognitive behavior therapy. And in letting that feeling washed through us, feel it, own it, let it pass through. But let it pass through instead of letting it stick and, and get you stuck. So that's also a work in progress. Just because we talked about it one day, doesn't mean we don't need to talk about it the next day. It could be that today, I'm really down about you know, the pain situation. And this or that, and maybe tomorrow, I'm gonna be really down. Because I was thinking about our dogs and they're getting older, and I don't like thinking about that. But there I was thinking about our puppies and all of their gray hair that they're getting. Those things are life. And I can say no, it's nothing he can say what's going on honey, no, nothing, nothing. It's just silly. I'm just silly. I was you know, what, what is it? You know, looking at the dogs, you know, kind of little bit older. Yeah. Just makes me sad to think that we would we would be losing him sometime in the future. Don't even know when that is. Yeah. And we'll be here together. It'll be okay. And we can talk about that. So that with all that, remember that you're not alone. If you're having thoughts of, of your animals of your people of your situation. You're not alone. And you are loved. So hang in there. I will see you in next week and if you find me on the clock app I'll see you at sunrise Have a great day